Why im mean to people i like

[411]

mother russia dictates i tell the truth 


Okay so - i have severe trust issues and i see EVERYTHING people say and do - through the highest filter of extreme negativity you can fathom - EVERYTHING - EVERYONE DOES - through that lense. 

My family, my friends, my best friend, my first and only love, no one in my entire life has been exempt from this - and I've lost them all....

So if you're a stranger and you're struggling with me being mean to you - it's only because - i have really severe trust issues - and i need people to KNOW that i have severe trust issues...and for some weird god damn reason - nobody will acknowledge that that's my reality it's all i know and feel every second of the day. I've never been able to tell people my whole life - so it's never been addressed - telling me to stop or telling me i shouldn't be thinking that way - IT DOES NOT WORK - im 26 years into my life and 20 years of those life have been spent that way - that's long enough for those methods of addressing my PTSD to be ruled out as NOT EFFECTIVE - so STOP IT just fucking stop it  

so, what im trying to inform people about is - i have no trust for everyone when i meet you - and if someone doesn't go out of their way to explicitly state to me that they intend/mean positive things when they communicate a certain thing to me or interact with me a certain way - i will NEVER, EVER, EVER EVER, be able to generate trust with you and develop to a point where im able to instinctively interpret your communication in a positive way - I  WILL ALWAYS REMAIN STUCK seeing you negatively. 

Some people are able to be nice enough to me sometimes - that i start to like them a little - but that doesn't change the fact that i still see 95% of your communication as hostile and have still been unable to overcome this - due to the fact it's not being addressed in the slightest - and what i need people to do - which is to explicitly - I MEAN EXPLICITLY - not a vague explanation - DETAILED explanation to address my fears about you - i will develop to the point i can let go of my fears and start seeing you positively and maintain that 

For a lot of you this isn't important to you - and honestly im feeling pretty guilty about it i feel guilty and regret that im - this way - i always try to pretend like it's not real and i don't want to be a burden on other people with this requirement...but the longer i go on pretending like it's not my reality..the worse it affects my relationships...

My social relationships are everything to me - i am a pretty hard core extrovert - so im pulling energy and emotions from my social interactions constantly - and it's been nothing but anger and pain for so long - my life could be so much BETTER if it turned into - happiness - trust - safety - joy...

So bet that im ready and willing to do the work that it takes to overcome this problem - im mustering all the courage i can - to face the following problem that mainly stops me from overcoming it. 

I mentioned earlier in the thread - that i see all communication as extremely 10/10 negative - well - you can imagine what it feels like - to open up about something you feel vulnerable about and recognize that as an absolute certainty that it will happen. 

Other people try to be supportive and helpful and kind, but when they don't go out of their way to explicitly explain to me that that's their intent - i just see hurtful - insulting and painful comments that do the opposite of what they're wanting. 

And so i live in constant fear of opening up - i don't want to have my feelings hurt by ignorant people who have no idea they're doing more damage than they're helping or ignorant people who have NO IDEA they're hurting me at all - and so they just UNLEASH a torrent of agonizing social interactions on me which hurt me deeply to my core and they do so WITH NO REGARD FOR THE PAIN THEY CAUSE - and so they just beat me down to my core 

Being a well meaning person - i can sense intellectually that that's happening - and so it makes me feel vulnerable immediately when i see a well meaning person trying to help me - but then i just end up feeling vulnerable to them and then when they speak or interact with me - THEY HURT MY FREAKING FEELINGS - BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T DEVELOPED ANY TRUST YET AND IM STILL INTERPETING ALL THE SHIT THEY'RE SAYING HORRENDOUSLY AND THEN I GET UPSET AND ANGRY AT THEM FOR MAKING ME OPEN UP JUST TO HURT MY GOD DAMN FEELINGS :feelsadman: 

So anyways - this is what im struggling with to overcome - the struggle is to find the courage to open up and overcome the fear and the certainty of my trust issues making every social interaction i have painful, i have to overcome that pain and that fear, and ask for help and beg and HOPE that someone will understand and adjust their communication to HELP ME build trust and HELP ME to see them positively - because it's the only way i can do this - i cannot spontaneously develop trust anymore - i feel completely alone and when ur alone U DO NOT DROP YOUR GUARD and FOR 20 YEARS - I HAVE NOT EVER DROPPED MY GUARD

But i want to - im speaking out and im asking for help because i WANT to be better and im willing to meet people halfway i just need them to try and understand - where im at and what i need to do so 

*ALERT* I HAVE IMPOSTERS, CONFIRM ALL DEALS ON C.IO DM'S *ALERT*

[730]

who asked?

[64]

okay but actually who cares?

[35]

Literally me 

YOU'RE WAAAAH
 

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[6.175]

[1.631]

Okay so - i have severe trust issues and i see EVERYTHING people say and do - through the highest filter of extreme negativity you can fathom - EVERYTHING - EVERYONE DOES - through that lense. 

My family, my friends, my best friend, my first and only love, no one in my entire life has been exempt from this - and I've lost them all....

So if you're a stranger and you're struggling with me being mean to you - it's only because - i have really severe trust issues - and i need people to KNOW that i have severe trust issues...and for some weird god damn reason - nobody will acknowledge that that's my reality it's all i know and feel every second of the day. I've never been able to tell people my whole life - so it's never been addressed - telling me to stop or telling me i shouldn't be thinking that way - IT DOES NOT WORK - im 26 years into my life and 20 years of those life have been spent that way - that's long enough for those methods of addressing my PTSD to be ruled out as NOT EFFECTIVE - so STOP IT just fucking stop it  

 so, what im trying to inform people about is - i have no trust for everyone when i meet you - and if someone doesn't go out of their way to explicitly state to me that they intend/mean positive things when they communicate a certain thing to me or interact with me a certain way - i will NEVER, EVER, EVER EVER, be able to generate trust with you and develop to a point where im able to instinctively interpret your communication in a positive way - I  WILL ALWAYS REMAIN STUCK seeing you negatively. 

Some people are able to be nice enough to me sometimes - that i start to like them a little - but that doesn't change the fact that i still see 95% of your communication as hostile and have still been unable to overcome this - due to the fact it's not being addressed in the slightest - and what i need people to do - which is to explicitly - I MEAN EXPLICITLY - not a vague explanation - DETAILED explanation to address my fears about you - i will develop to the point i can let go of my fears and start seeing you positively and maintain that 

For a lot of you this isn't important to you - and honestly im feeling pretty guilty about it  i feel guilty and regret that im - this way - i always try to pretend like it's not real and i don't want to be a burden on other people with this requirement...but the longer i go on pretending like it's not my reality..the worse it affects my relationships...

My social relationships are everything to me - i am a pretty hard core extrovert - so im pulling energy and emotions from my social interactions constantly - and it's been nothing but anger and pain for so long - my life could be so much BETTER if it turned into - happiness - trust - safety - joy...

So bet  that im ready and willing to do the work that it takes to overcome this problem - im mustering all the courage i can - to face the following problem that mainly stops me from overcoming it. 

I mentioned earlier in the thread - that i see all communication as extremely 10/10 negative - well - you can imagine what it feels like - to open up about something you feel vulnerable about and recognize that as an absolute certainty that it will happen. 

Other people try to be supportive and helpful and kind, but when they don't go out of their way to explicitly explain to me that that's their intent - i just see hurtful - insulting and painful comments that do the opposite of what they're wanting. 

And so i live in constant fear of opening up - i don't want to have my feelings hurt by ignorant people who have no idea they're doing more damage than they're helping or ignorant people who have NO IDEA they're hurting me at all - and so they just UNLEASH a torrent of agonizing social interactions on me which hurt me deeply to my core and they do so WITH NO REGARD FOR THE PAIN THEY CAUSE - and so they just beat me down to my core 

Being a well meaning person - i can sense intellectually that that's happening - and so it makes me feel vulnerable immediately when i see a well meaning person trying to help me - but then i just end up feeling vulnerable to them and then when they speak or interact with me - THEY HURT MY FREAKING FEELINGS - BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T DEVELOPED ANY TRUST YET AND IM STILL INTERPETING ALL THE SHIT THEY'RE SAYING HORRENDOUSLY AND THEN I GET UPSET AND ANGRY AT THEM FOR MAKING ME OPEN UP JUST TO HURT MY GOD DAMN FEELINGS :feelsadman: 

So anyways - this is what im struggling with to overcome - the struggle is to find the courage to open up and overcome the fear and the certainty of my trust issues making every social interaction i have painful, i have to overcome that pain and that fear, and ask for help and beg and HOPE that someone will understand and adjust their communication to HELP ME build trust and HELP ME to see them positively - because it's the only way i can do this - i cannot spontaneously develop trust anymore - i feel completely alone and when ur alone U DO NOT DROP YOUR GUARD and FOR 20 YEARS - I HAVE NOT EVER DROPPED MY GUARD

But i want to - im speaking out and im asking for help because i WANT to be better and im willing to meet people halfway i just need them to try and understand - where im at and what i need to do so

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[596]

Communism mother russia dictates i tell the truth


Okay so - i have severe trust issues and i see EVERYTHING people say and do - through the highest filter of extreme negativity you can fathom - EVERYTHING - EVERYONE DOES - through that lense.

My family, my friends, my best friend, my first and only love, no one in my entire life has been exempt from this - and I've lost them all....

So if you're a stranger and you're struggling with me being mean to you - it's only because - i have really severe trust issues - and i need people to KNOW that i have severe trust issues...and for some weird god damn reason - nobody will acknowledge that that's my reality it's all i know and feel every second of the day. I've never been able to tell people my whole life - so it's never been addressed - telling me to stop or telling me i shouldn't be thinking that way - IT DOES NOT WORK - im 26 years into my life and 20 years of those life have been spent that way - that's long enough for those methods of addressing my PTSD to be ruled out as NOT EFFECTIVE - so STOP IT just fucking stop it multiriot

Pizza so, what im trying to inform people about is - i have no trust for everyone when i meet you - and if someone doesn't go out of their way to explicitly state to me that they intend/mean positive things when they communicate a certain thing to me or interact with me a certain way - i will NEVER, EVER, EVER EVER, be able to generate trust with you and develop to a point where im able to instinctively interpret your communication in a positive way - I WILL ALWAYS REMAIN STUCK seeing you negatively.

Some people are able to be nice enough to me sometimes - that i start to like them a little - but that doesn't change the fact that i still see 95% of your communication as hostile and have still been unable to overcome this - due to the fact it's not being addressed in the slightest - and what i need people to do - which is to explicitly - I MEAN EXPLICITLY - not a vague explanation - DETAILED explanation to address my fears about you - i will develop to the point i can let go of my fears and start seeing you positively and maintain that

For a lot of you this isn't important to you - and honestly im feeling pretty guilty about it Feelssadman i feel guilty and regret that im - this way - i always try to pretend like it's not real and i don't want to be a burden on other people with this requirement...but the longer i go on pretending like it's not my reality..the worse it affects my relationships...

My social relationships are everything to me - i am a pretty hard core extrovert - so im pulling energy and emotions from my social interactions constantly - and it's been nothing but anger and pain for so long - my life could be so much BETTER if it turned into - happiness - trust - safety - joy...

So bet smoke that im ready and willing to do the work that it takes to overcome this problem - im mustering all the courage i can - to face the following problem that mainly stops me from overcoming it.

I mentioned earlier in the thread - that i see all communication as extremely 10/10 negative - well - you can imagine what it feels like - to open up about something you feel vulnerable about and recognize that as an absolute certainty that it will happen.

Other people try to be supportive and helpful and kind, but when they don't go out of their way to explicitly explain to me that that's their intent - i just see hurtful - insulting and painful comments that do the opposite of what they're wanting.

And so i live in constant fear of opening up - i don't want to have my feelings hurt by ignorant people who have no idea they're doing more damage than they're helping or ignorant people who have NO IDEA they're hurting me at all - and so they just UNLEASH a torrent of agonizing social interactions on me which hurt me deeply to my core and they do so WITH NO REGARD FOR THE PAIN THEY CAUSE - and so they just beat me down to my core

Being a well meaning person - i can sense intellectually that that's happening - and so it makes me feel vulnerable immediately when i see a well meaning person trying to help me - but then i just end up feeling vulnerable to them and then when they speak or interact with me - THEY HURT MY FREAKING FEELINGS - BECAUSE WE HAVEN'T DEVELOPED ANY TRUST YET AND IM STILL INTERPETING ALL THE SHIT THEY'RE SAYING HORRENDOUSLY AND THEN I GET UPSET AND ANGRY AT THEM FOR MAKING ME OPEN UP JUST TO HURT MY GOD DAMN FEELINGS :feelsadman:

So anyways - this is what im struggling with to overcome - the struggle is to find the courage to open up and overcome the fear and the certainty of my trust issues making every social interaction i have painful, i have to overcome that pain and that fear, and ask for help and beg and HOPE that someone will understand and adjust their communication to HELP ME build trust and HELP ME to see them positively - because it's the only way i can do this - i cannot spontaneously develop trust anymore - i feel completely alone and when ur alone U DO NOT DROP YOUR GUARD and FOR 20 YEARS - I HAVE NOT EVER DROPPED MY GUARD

But i want to - im speaking out and im asking for help because i WANT to be better and im willing to meet people halfway i just need them to try and understand - where im at and what i need to do so

smoke

inactive

[375]

Guys stfu he's trying to tell you guys why he has been mean to people and you guys are just making fucking fun of it you guys should be ashamed of yourselves and @TabooAnime don't fell guilty it's not your fault I know it's hard to trust someone but if you EVER need someone to speak to I'm here just spit it all our if you need to don't mind all these people they are just idiot who think they are cool