My Apologies

[412]

@KSZ - thank you for being so tolerant of my mental ill-ness and creating a safe place for me to develop as a person and do my best to be a member of the community that's positive - thank you for instilling tolerance in others too and making it possible for me to build relationships with people that otherwise might have completely dismissed me. 

@J_S - thank you for being honest about your contempt for me and being willing to tolerate me for as long as you've been doing and even begrudging kindness with emoji's you display in SB - I've said it once and i'll say it again you're one of the main reasons i stuck together with this community in the beginning - getting attention from a high ranking member - meant so much to me and i've changed a lot since then and become less dependent on it to feel like i belong - but i neglected to pay it forward i think i've taken my new found position for granted maybe - so i look forward to trying to contribute the same positive attention for future members just as you once did for me too  

@Barry @Aussie @ApolloArt- Thank you for being tolerant of my outbursts recently and willing to let me by myself in spite of the times i spam and have out bursts and attacked certain members of the community in fits of rage - it's not right that i do that - even if sometimes i can't control myself and just completely lose my mind in the emotions - it means so much to me that when i break out of those fits of rage and sadness that i still have a community to return back to that's willing to forgive me - it's all i've got sometimes 

@Denmark Thank you for tolerating my blowing up joking/racism on you about the chinese thing - im not intentionally meaning to be abusive to people - it's just my "friend/love speak" is more aggressive i think and perceivably abusive to less - hardened people - if i made you feel abused and you don't share the same communication style and mine was harsh and hurtful im so thank thankful that you were willing to take it in stride and still be a member of my social sphere in spite of my outbursts - you have no idea how much it means to be surrounded by people that i can be myself around and will still be willing to be around me afterwards - maybe you don't like me anymore - maybe i need to begin earning your forgiveness if you'll be able to/need to 

@CEO - Thank you for being willing to help me get the hack when i needed it most - i have a sense that you might have been able to do something important or perhaps put a lot of effort into working on it and when i dismissed your efforts so flippantly it was clearly very personally insulting and judgmental and you clearly cared about what you were doing and im so thankful that you cared about me enough to be willing to help in the first place...

@Virus i literally don't know who you are - barely - you just started contacting me randomly one day saying people were talking shit about me so thank you for coming out of nowhere and making me upset - while i was going through a rough time with my medicine, became super emotionally unstable and was very vulnerable and hurt by everything you were saying. Thanks dickhead. 

@Sentonta - listen you and me are - never going to get along 100% - it feels like it's a dominance thing sometimes - that makes us butt heads - but i like you sometimes too - you're funny and have good character and you take things i find important seriously like justice for the wronged of c.to and policing the unhelpful activities that pollute our precious community atmosphere and removing unhelpful/toxic presences and when I see you standing up for things like that it makes me feel a sense of comradery with you that i respect in you a lot. But that said - we definitely crash and butt heads a lot and also sometimes i feel like I'm getting too close to you - too quickly and I can't handle the anxiety and panic i have from being vulnerable too soon and i pushed you away and I'm so thankful that i had the opportunity in the first place to feel that connected to you and I'm so sorry that i struggled to communicate what i was experiencing effectively and left so much to you - up for interpretation which unfortunately has ended up being particularly negative - I like you so much - bottom line. - i know you're still really upset with me about things that have happened recently and you probably don't want anything to do with me or talk and probably nothing i say to you is gonna make much of a difference but at the very least you deserve an explanation for my behavior - it's not just bi polarism - i can use that as an excuse sometimes and im sorry for abusing the sympathy i get for it to obtain tolerance for my other issues unnecessarily and for bringing that into the shout box - i gotta learn to utilize other parts of the forum - I've learned that much which is why I'm saying this here and not in the shout box. 

Thankful to everyone for their tolerance and i have no expectations for this to change much of anything - my only real hope is nothing negative happens subsequently as a response to my being willing to own up to my mistakes and express apologies...sometimes people take me dropping my guard to be vulnerable as an opportunity to reek vengeance and seek retribution which is regrettable and a damn shame when it happens - cuz with me peace is always an option - even if you don't know it.

*ALERT* I HAVE IMPOSTERS, CONFIRM ALL DEALS ON C.IO DM'S *ALERT*

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Nigger Monkey Dot Net

 

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when fuck me?

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U forgot to tag @Iroh @Martin also

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even tho i never got my mention here, I will forever support my homeboy tabooanime, humor, essays in 5 secs, everything just makes him overall a cool person 

Telegram: @suspecting

I WILL NEVER DENY USING A MIDDLEMAN, ALWAYS CONFIRM ONSITE

[359]

@KSZ - thank you for being so tolerant of my mental ill-ness and creating a safe place for me to develop as a person and do my best to be a member of the community that's positive - thank you for instilling tolerance in others too and making it possible for me to build relationships with people that otherwise might have completely dismissed me. 

@J_S - thank you for being honest about your contempt for me and being willing to tolerate me for as long as you've been doing and even begrudging kindness with emoji's you display in SB - I've said it once and i'll say it again you're one of the main reasons i stuck together with this community in the beginning - getting attention from a high ranking member - meant so much to me and i've changed a lot since then and become less dependent on it to feel like i belong - but i neglected to pay it forward i think i've taken my new found position for granted maybe - so i look forward to trying to contribute the same positive attention for future members just as you once did for me too  

@Barry @Aussie @ApolloArt- Thank you for being tolerant of my outbursts recently and willing to let me by myself in spite of the times i spam and have out bursts and attacked certain members of the community in fits of rage - it's not right that i do that - even if sometimes i can't control myself and just completely lose my mind in the emotions - it means so much to me that when i break out of those fits of rage and sadness that i still have a community to return back to that's willing to forgive me - it's all i've got sometimes 

@Denmark Thank you for tolerating my blowing up joking/racism on you about the chinese thing - im not intentionally meaning to be abusive to people - it's just my "friend/love speak" is more aggressive i think and perceivably abusive to less - hardened people - if i made you feel abused and you don't share the same communication style and mine was harsh and hurtful im so thank thankful that you were willing to take it in stride and still be a member of my social sphere in spite of my outbursts - you have no idea how much it means to be surrounded by people that i can be myself around and will still be willing to be around me afterwards - maybe you don't like me anymore - maybe i need to begin earning your forgiveness if you'll be able to/need to 

@CEO - Thank you for being willing to help me get the hack when i needed it most - i have a sense that you might have been able to do something important or perhaps put a lot of effort into working on it and when i dismissed your efforts so flippantly it was clearly very personally insulting and judgmental and you clearly cared about what you were doing and im so thankful that you cared about me enough to be willing to help in the first place...

@Virus i literally don't know who you are - barely - you just started contacting me randomly one day saying people were talking shit about me so thank you for coming out of nowhere and making me upset - while i was going through a rough time with my medicine, became super emotionally unstable and was very vulnerable and hurt by everything you were saying. Thanks dickhead. 

@Sentonta - listen you and me are - never going to get along 100% - it feels like it's a dominance thing sometimes - that makes us butt heads - but i like you sometimes too - you're funny and have good character and you take things i find important seriously like justice for the wronged of c.to and policing the unhelpful activities that pollute our precious community atmosphere and removing unhelpful/toxic presences and when I see you standing up for things like that it makes me feel a sense of comradery with you that i respect in you a lot. But that said - we definitely crash and butt heads a lot and also sometimes i feel like I'm getting too close to you - too quickly and I can't handle the anxiety and panic i have from being vulnerable too soon and i pushed you away and I'm so thankful that i had the opportunity in the first place to feel that connected to you and I'm so sorry that i struggled to communicate what i was experiencing effectively and left so much to you - up for interpretation which unfortunately has ended up being particularly negative - I like you so much - bottom line. - i know you're still really upset with me about things that have happened recently and you probably don't want anything to do with me or talk and probably nothing i say to you is gonna make much of a difference but at the very least you deserve an explanation for my behavior - it's not just bi polarism - i can use that as an excuse sometimes and im sorry for abusing the sympathy i get for it to obtain tolerance for my other issues unnecessarily and for bringing that into the shout box - i gotta learn to utilize other parts of the forum - I've learned that much which is why I'm saying this here and not in the shout box. 

Thankful to everyone for their tolerance and i have no expectations for this to change much of anything - my only real hope is nothing negative happens subsequently as a response to my being willing to own up to my mistakes and express apologies...sometimes people take me dropping my guard to be vulnerable as an opportunity to reek vengeance and seek retribution which is regrettable and a damn shame when it happens - cuz with me peace is always an option - even if you don't know it.

so sad

I make GFXs.
behance.net/eyespi

Hope to get a membership to get username eyespy

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U forgot to tag @Iroh @Martin also

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