PTSD

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The worst things that ever happened to me, took place during moments of miscommunication, misunderstanding, misinterpretation whatever the fuck you want to call it. 

Moments like that, can dissolve relationships, spark conflict, bring out the absolute worst in others. 

The worst part is, it's all over a fucking lie...so unnecessary and inaccurate. 

Scenario: I say something, I mean it one way, you take it another, if you understand how I meant it, you'd be happy, but you saw it differently than how I meant it, now you're mad at that thing that's being mean to you and attack.

Guess what, that's not fucking me, I'm not the thing that insulted you. 

It really makes you wonder if any of us ever really see's each other clearly, I mean fuck we don't even see the world clearly, all the visuals..these words on the screen are being interpreted by your visual cortex. You aren't simply seeing; you're generating an interpretation of the data streaming into your senses. Light enters your eyes, travels through your nervous system, and reaches your visual cortex, which processes this information and creates an image for your consciousness to perceive as reality...that's all we get...

It's so cruel to hurt people while not being on the same page as them, like holding up a picture of Hitler in front of a who loves you's face and unloading an ak-47 at it...then you tell yourself you just killed a monster, when in reality you killed someone, that loves you. 

This self-assurance people possess when they're so...ruthless in their actions towards people...no restraint no hesitation..that's what scares me so much, because once upon a time, I have experienced the full extent of ruthlessness a person is capable of given a strong enough misinterpretation..and it shattered my ability to trust people, because it was my fucking mother. 

I mean what the fuck else am I supposed to do, when your own mother can beat you like a fucking animal till you're bleeding and broken enough..that the second your grandparents see your body while they give you a bath, it freaks them the fuck out and they call the cops, demand the court to give them custody and steal you away. 

We like to think some bonds can't be shattered, but what the fuck could possibly be stronger than the bond nature instills between a mother and their child...i mean if that can be broken..what the fuck else can possibly stand a chance to be trusted, friends? family? lovers? what a joke you're all just one bad misinterpretation away from killing each other at all times...all of us.

*ALERT* I HAVE IMPOSTERS, CONFIRM ALL DEALS ON C.IO DM'S *ALERT*

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